It's really difficult - getting rid of stuff. Logically, it's a majority of store-purchased items that, if push came to shove, I could get again. Yet, each item has a history within my life, within who I am. Although many of us never wish to be defined by what we own, we put thought into what we buy, and these purchases reflect and represent a part of ourselves. I am surprised by the challenge I face when I pack box after box into my car, then empty the car piece by piece into the Goodwill bin. I wonder what the stuff I give away says about me, who will see the things and think about the previous owner, and who the next owner will be.
Somehow I thought getting rid of this stuff would be cleansing. That by getting rid of these things that I would somehow be lighter. Instead I want to grab things back out of the carts, "This is MINE." Instead of feeling lighter I feel numb, overwhelmed by each decision, nearly 100 a day, of "to put in a bin and move to RI; to donate; to sell." Each with its own unattractive consequences.
Now, when I walk by stores I simply peer in feeling overwhelmed by the massive amount of STUFF one store holds for ONE shopping season. It's all new! Where does it come from? What did it take to make that wall of ornaments (in a national chain with similar walls repeated across the country)? Where will this STUFF end up 5, 10, 40 years from now?
Despite the logic, or lack of logic, of the brain and heart, this stuff I have is difficult to give up. I want not to be defined by the stuff, and yet am very defined by all that has gotten me here today. STUFF and brain and feelings alike, everything contributes to who I am today.
